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| Levi~19 months, Lexi~1 month |
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| First Mother's Day with Lexi |
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| My first Mother's day, May 2011 |
To those of you that have known me for quite some time, it should come as no surprise when I say that I didn't always want to have children. In fact, to those of you that knew me before we had Levi, it may have been shocking whenever you heard we were expecting. You see, if I'm being completely honest, I never had that internal natural desire that most women get to become a mom. The thought of being pregnant almost made me ill. I just really didn't like babies all that much and had absolutely NO desire to ever bring one home with me.
(Of note, I have always loved my job as a nurse working with children and babies, and I have always been crazy in love with my 15 nieces and nephews - I just never wanted to keep one.)
When Moises and I got married we always talked about having kids. We both assumed we would have them someday, and when we envisioned our future we saw ourselves with children, however neither one of us ever got to the point where we had "baby fever." We never truly yearned for a baby or craved to conceive a child - we just never really got there. When it comes to biological clocks, I'm pretty sure mine never started ticking. At times I even doubt whether I ever HAD a clock to begin with!! |
| April 2013 |
Well, you all know the end of this story. Here I sit writing this blog while my 10 month old daughter is playing next to me and my 2 year old son is napping in his room.
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| Lexi Jane ~ 11 weeks |
So what happened, you ask? What was it that changed our minds? When did we get our "baby fever?" Well, we didn't. Pregnancy came as a surprise to us. Utter shock, actually. Such a surprise, in fact, that once we found out we didn't even talk about it for at least a week! I was 13 weeks pregnant before we finally told our families we were expecting. It took me that long for two reasons: first off I had no clue how to tell them, and second I knew they would be very excited, and I simply wasn't ready for their excitement. I remember being about 8 months pregnant with Levi asking myself "Laura, are you sure you're ready for this? Do you really want a baby? Do you really want to live through all the changes that this tiny person is about bring into your life?"
When Levi was born, our moment finally came. We fell in love with a tiny 9lb person, and our journey through this thing called life was forever changed - and that change was good. Amazing, actually. :) 18 months later we fell in love again, this time with a beautiful 7lb person we named Lexi.
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| Levi Moises ~ 20 months |
There's a song written by my favorite Christian group (33 Miles) titled One Life to Love. It tells the story about finding that one thing in life you don't want to miss out on. It tells how we only have but one life to love. Not live, but LOVE. It was this song that made me ponder that maybe I did always want children. Not every day as a mom is a day in Mayberry, and some days are filled with more tough moments than good moments. Yet, no matter where life takes me, no matter what I have to sacrifice, no matter how difficult and stressful, time consuming, and expensive it can be, I would never want to live my entire life having never met and loved my Levi and Lexi.
If you've never heard that song, you should look it up. It's a great song! (And I'll just go ahead and add in that 33 Miles is a great band in my opinion!) They have been my favorite for quite some time now. Let me share with you some of the words to their song that tug at my heart strings.
...You only get just one time around
You only get one shot at this.
You only get one shot at this.
One chance to find out the one thing that you don't want to miss.
One day when it's all said and done,
I hope you see that it was enough,
I hope you see that it was enough,
This one ride, one try, one life... to love!
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| 10 months |
I have never regretted having children. And if I'm being quite honest with you all, it's probably the best thing we ever did. I am so grateful that God decided to bless us in such an incredible way. The bible speaks of children as being a blessing. And oh what a blessing they are!!
Levi and Lexi mean more to me than I could ever express with words. The love I feel for them and the joy they've brought to our lives is probably something that can only be understood by those who have had children themselves. Not wanting children for most of my life, or even to some degree up until the day Levi was born, had absolutely no impact on how I feel about them today. The love I feel is not just any type of love, but the kind of love that would make you jump in front of a speeding train if it meant sparing them from harm. It's the kind of love that would give you the strength to lift up a car if your baby was underneath it. It's the kind of love that would lead you to share, or even give up completely the last piece of cake!!! Haha! That's a crazy kind of Love! A powerful kind of Love!
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| How is it possible that out of all the little kids in the whole world... we got the best ones? |
Levi and Lexi have become the tiny little axis that our world now spins around. They are my One Thing I don't want to miss - and I wouldn't have it any other way! Will there be more babies in our future?! Ummm... Not today. But someday? I do hope so. I guess only God knows. =)
As far as today, I got to treat myself to some serious playtime with my kiddos. So happy to be their mom! :)
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| October 2012 |
